Scarlett Johansson
'I'd probably buy a shot of rabies if Scarlett Johansson sold it to me', says Total Film subscriber NickyC. Ain't it the truth.
NAME: Scarlett Johansson
FAMOUS FOR: Being a superstar, pretty good actor, and the most unbelievably beautiful person in the world. Having a Teenagers song about her (which is ace). I want to list some films she’s done here but I’m not sure whether I shouldn’t just be putting ‘Those eyes! Those lips! Those (cough) curves!’ All right, so, she was really good in underrated Coen Brothers neo-noir The Man Who Wasn’t There when she was 15. By 18 she’d won a Bafta for a starring role – Lost in Translation, which she’s brilliant in and is one of those rare films that’s actually genuinely touching. One of the memorably sad/funny scenes in the film is Bill Murray’s mildly bitter, washed-up movie star character getting his best hangdog face out when he feels left out of the loop while filming an ad for Suntory whisky (which is actually de-lish, I can has lucrative brand endorsement deal nao pls? Only joshing!).
Learn from Bill Murray, young Scarlett! Advertising makes fools of us all!
ADVERTISES: Seriously, everything. I’m thinking I should maybe add ‘being the only person who endorses more products than Thierry Henry‘ to ‘famous for’ above. Calvin Klein fragrance, Eternity Moment; Louis Vuitton handbags and other silly accessories; Moët & Chandon champagne; Dolce & Gabbana cosmetics; L’Oréal cosmetics, which are bloody ubiquitous; Reebok sportswear (I didn’t understand that one either); Spanish fashion retailer Mango, etc. She’s about seven years younger than Thierry as well so there’s plenty of time for her to take over his Renault and Gilette duties, why not, and indeed shill every single other brand that exists if this trend continues.
Obviously, all these endorsements mean one thing for us Joe Public types: more pictures of Scarlett Johansson. So, honestly, I probably wouldn’t mind, except for the fact that some of these shots – L’Oréal being the worst, I reckon – are inexplicably bad, which is just wrong. How on earth is it possible to make her look cheap? Oh, wait, that’s right, selling rather nasty lipstick is in fact cheap. This makes me sad. Buck up, Scarlett — after all, tomorrow is another day.
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